23: The O Zone and TABOTA: Sexy fun in Toronto and a sneak peek at Valentine's in Niagara

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O Zone Swingers clubKinky black latexProfessor Tea and the Captain interview Matt and Amanda, owners of Toronto's O Zone swingers' club and the couple behind TABOTA (Take a Bite of the Apple) couples events.  They tell us how they got started planning lifestyle events, how the O Zone adult club came to be, give us a sneak preview of "Valentine's in Niagara" swingers event, and give us the good on their famous Teddy Bare Picnic and the exciting new swing lifestyle resort, Hedo North.

Captain and Professor Tea return to O Zone later on that cold, snowy night for some hot fun. Let their club report entice you to check it out!

And a special secret that we didn't mention:  the Blissbringers team will be at VIN and doing some sexy workshops!  Join in the fun with a hands on couples workshop on the 15-minute orgasm with Captain and Professor Tea, tell your naughty confessions to Reverend Jon, and for all you sexy women, discover your feminine power with Mistress SinD and Professor Tea in their session "Walk, Talk and Touch: Harnessing the Feminine Sensual Power" (for women only). Oo la la!

15: Dee Dennis on Catalystcon

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We chat with Dee Dennis, organizer of Catalystcon (where you will be able to find the entire gang) who describes her origins and struggles to create one of the biggest sex-positive conferences.

You can follow her on twitter @DeeDennis.

The captain explains our Bliss-Cruises by catamaran. Contact us for more information.

Bonus: We hear from our colleagues at the  "Boris and Doris" podcast  and  the "Beyond the Love" poly conference.

 

Jon shares his Sexpertise on Erotic Talk Radio

Microphone-iconJust Jon shared his kinky swinging sexpertise the other day on "Erotic Talk Radio."  Hear how he sounds on the other side of the interview mic...here.

Hint: he sounds like a sexy dude who knows what he's talking about!

Update: Because of how the way the "Blog talk radio" system works, it seems like the episode is no longer available in the search engine.    Also: The sound quality is really bad, which is typical of  blog talk radio as well.

7: Just Ask Julie Chats about Swinging and How Not to be a Wallflower

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Captain and Professor Tea interview "Just Ask Julie," founder of the Swingers Board and author of the Swinger Manual about her website, the book, how swinging has changed since she started the Board 15 years ago, and how not to be a wallflower. The Luscious Lab explodes this week with the fifteen-minute orgasm, take 4 -- it just gets better!

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Working Out Our Rules: Why We Like Being in the Same Room

bigstock-woman-s-hand-holding-a-satin-s-26363675When the Captain and I filled out our first profile on a lifestyle website we hadn't given a lot of thought to our rules yet.  One thing we knew right away was that we prefer to be in the same room.

Why might a couple in the lifestyle like to play in the same room? There are a number of different reasons:

1. The category "same room only" probably in lots of cases appeals to a certain comfort level.  Lots can happen during a sexual encounter with someone other than your partner.  Having your partner nearby within earshot and eyeshot can be reassuring. It  helps you feel safe and helps you to know that your partner is safe. Especially if we are in a new environment or with new people, this kind of reassurance means a lot to me and helps me relax.

2. Trust might influence your decision about same room or different room play.  It's a big deal for most couples to open up their relationship to sexual play with other people.  It can and often does mess with your emotions. Jealousy and insecurity can sometimes set in even with couples who are usually not jealous or insecure.

Your partner is off playing in the next room with someone else and your mind can start to wander -- What are they up to?  Is their play partner a better lover than you? Why are they alone? Isn't that kind of intimate? Playing in the same room can help keep those feelings at bay.

If you know what your partner is doing and she or he is doing it right in front of you, there is less reason for your mind to concoct all sorts of scenarios that trigger suspicion or insecurity.  The Captain and I don't normally have trust issues or need to deal with jealousy, but it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that this sort of thing could sneak into the picture if we regularly started to play separately.  Of course, it is up to each couple to determine what their own emotional constitution is like and take it from there.

3.  Same room play adds spice.  Rather than thinking of same room only play as a cautious limit, we think of it more as catering to our reasons for being in the lifestyle in the first place. For us (and this is not the same for everyone), we each had fantasies of watching and being watched.  Being with other people in the same room allows us to fulfill those fantasies.  What a bonus!

As we explained in Episode 05 when we talked about different definitions, the Captain is into "hot wifing." He gets aroused when he sees me enjoying myself with others. We like to make eye contact when we're with other people. We also get into a little bit of dirty talk (okay, I'm blushing now). We can't do that when we're not in the same room, and that immediately takes away from our mutual pleasure. For us, the arousal factor increases tremendously when we're together with others.

Once at a party, I was with someone who was not comfortable playing in a group setting. He wanted to go off to a different room. I'd never done that before but I checked with the Captain and he said "okay."  So off I went, but I simply could not focus my attention. I kept looking at the door, trying to peer into the other room to see what the Captain was up to. This wasn't because of trust, but because for us, that's a big part of the fun.

We have only two rules that for the most part guide our decisions in the lifestyle.  Rule #1 is that we like to be inclusive, that is, play should involve pleasure for both of us. We both need to feel as if we are a part of the fun, not apart from it.  That usually means we're in the same room.  Rule #2 is that whatever we do, we do it to enhance our relationship and our sexual enjoyment. If one of us is not digging what's happening, or if it's having a negative impact on us as a couple, then it's not okay.

The Captain comes first for me, and me for him. When we lose sight of that, we're in dangerous waters and we need to take a step back and remember what our motives are. Yes, it's exciting to get turned on by new people and yes, that can make us silly at times. But in the end, this is not about falling for other people. We need to keep our emotional attachments in check.

We like these rules because they are not overly rigid. They allow that under certain circumstances, things we don't normally do might be permitted. For example, I spent a weekend in San Francisco a couple of months ago and he gave me a hall pass.  One condition of it was that I would come back with some hot video tape of my adventures.  I didn't capture everything on tape, but I managed to get enough to honor our agreement and stay within the spirit of our rules.

If you are in the lifestyle as a couple, you need to spend some time figuring out what you enjoy and where your comfort lies with respect to playing together and playing apart. I've met lots of people who are comfortable playing apart and lots who would prefer to play together or at least be able see and hear each other.

It's a really personal choice. For us, we found that thinking about our motivation for wanting to swing helped us get clear about why we like being in the same room.

5: The Basics

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The Captain and Professor Tea attend their first "munch" (kinky meet and greet) and flog people at a Desire party. Mistress SinD and Jon entertain some Florida friends and meet the Lifestyle Out Loud podcasters at a winery meet and greet.  The crew reviews some basic swinger terminology from A to Z. Just Jon gives a few shout outs to people doing good sex positive stuff. And Professor Tea and the Captain charge up the We-Vibe for a Luscious Lab update and start reading The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margot Anand.

Reference Links:

Welcome to My Luscious Lab for Try-Sexuals

I first heard of "try-sexuality" from Midori. It means someone who is willing to try new things (I think she said she was willing to try anything! I'm not quite that try-sexual).

The lifestyle is a great playground for hearing about and trying out new things.  We introduced the idea of the Luscious Lab as our place to experiment, to test out stuff we've read about or heard about, from toys to techniques to new kinds of kinky play.

It's a fun way for the Captain and I (and whoever else would like to join us) to get adventurous and learn something along the way.  So far we've been pretty tame. We experimented with the technique Timothy Ferriss writes about in the 4-Hour Body, designed to bring on a 15-minute orgasm in women.  It works and we love it.  Listen to Episode 1 if you want to hear our full report.

We also tried out the recommended approach to a mind-blowing blow job, as described in Marcie Michaels and Marie Desalle's Blow Him Away. It was a little more challenging, mostly because there's a lot more to remember. But I'm determined to continue on that, mostly because I am a recent convert on the blow job front.

I used to hate giving them, mostly because I was lacking technique and didn't know what I was doing.  Then, about three years ago I got inspired by a couple we met at Desire. She went from good to great in the blow job department.  I can do this! I thought at the time.  I took mine from below average to pretty good. And now I'm working on taking them from pretty good to great.  So expect more lab reports on that.  For the first report, you can check out the lab in Episode 2 of the Blissbringers podcast.

I like reading and trying out the stuff we read. Right now, I'm reading Joseph Bean's book on flogging, so you can expect a lab down the road that tests out the techniques he recommends.  wevibe

This weekend we're going to do a toy lab.  We've had a we-vibe for a few years.  Despite the amazon rave reviews about it, we've been underwhelmed by it.  But I'm guessing we just haven't given it a good enough go.

This morning I found an article on-line at the Positive Passions website with ELEVEN different ways to use the we-vibe. So clearly we have not exhausted its potential and it's time to get into that lab and experiment.

If you  have any suggestions for the Luscious Lab, sexy stuff that you are interested in trying yourself but want to let us give it a test-run first (someone has to do it!), please send in your suggestions.

You can put them in the comment section after this post, send me an email at proftea@blissbringers.com, leave us a voice mail message, or tell us in person if you happen to run into us at a party or on the beach at Desire.

Guest lab partners, assistants, and test subjects are always welcome. 😉