The Great Divide - The Gap Between Swinging and Kink

A woman I'd never met knelt in front of the table I was lying on, and locked eyes with me. "Do you orgasm from that?" she asked.

Baffled by the question and a little spacey from the fire play my partner was demonstrating on my back, I mumbled something negative. She looked back at me with a look of perfect confusion as if to ask what was the point, and then walked away.

My surroundings were familiar - I'd been in the space a hundred times for kinky parties. But this was one of the nights where the swing club next door expanded into the dungeon area, and let the two groups mingle together.

The attendees were mostly swingers, however, and I felt completely out of my element. Unlike my kink parties, sex was a much bigger focus. And there was a sudden dearth of personal space. People crowded together and hovered closely over those participating in kinky activities.

The entire atmosphere was just...different. And it wasn't a difference I found myself able to acclimate to.

As I talked to others afterwards, I found the divide was wider than I had realized. Despite our mutual statuses as alternative sexualities, kinksters and swingers seemed to look at each other with some amount of bewilderment.

Over time, I've met people who have found a way to bridge this gap. Some have even attempted to combine the two with various degrees of success. And still we seem to look at each other like exhibits at the zoo, some of us in cages while the others roam more freely.

I like my cage. There's a lovely view of people who live differently, and I pass no judgment, but that life is not for me. For me, different is not a value judgment. Different is simply different, not better or worse.

Most of the time, my kink club is not considered sex positive. That is, we do not allow penetration at our parties. Some people find this limiting and a reason to stay away. Personally, I've never equated kink and sex though, and have no interest in having sex or even orgasming in public.

This is not to say that I don't go home and jerk off, or have sex with my partner there. But I prefer my sex to be more private. When I use kink as foreplay, it's at home, without an audience.

Kink is more about sensations for me. There should be some attraction between me and my play partners, but I find negotiations far easier when sex is automatically off the table. It's one less thing I have to worry about.

Still, I find my attitude to be in the minority. I see far too many people unwilling to explore the other end of that hallway, or even try to understand those on the other side.

I don't claim to have a perfect understanding either. I've seen just enough to know that I prefer my side of the zoo, cages and all.

All I'm saying is that it's complicated. Let's not put anyone in a box - or cage - without getting to know them a little. Not all cages are created equal, and not everyone enjoys freedom. Neither are necessarily wrong.

-- by Daphne

 

51: Just Hanging Out

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SinD, Reverend Jon, Bill and Alice hang out together in this post-action debrief bedcast.  It was Alice's first visit to a BDSM dungeon (we took her to "Dragon's Gate" in Los Angeles), where she got tied up and suspended, and had all sorts of things done to her.    We give our updates and review our progress in the lifestyles of BDSM, Swinging and polyamory.

 

Naughty in Nawlins - Special offer

Quick note: We are going to "Nawty in New Orleans"!   There are a few rooms left, so if you want to party with us and a few thousand of our closest swinger friends, sign up now!

 

49: Spanking new relationships: The scale from swinging to polyamory

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Mister Bill, Jon and SinD first debrief about  Fetish and Fantasy event, then about their various polyamorous and swinging relationships.   Bill does an inventory of his relationships and reviews how they are similar but different.

Jon interviews a brand-new member of the "Dragon's Gate" gang, who at her young age has dived deep into kink and her various turn-ons.

Back home, the newly formed poly gang (SinD, Jon, Night owl) debriefs about the changes in their relationship.

This episode is a bit different from the usual form, as we give our unfiltered feelings an thoughts on the journey throughout the various forms of non-monogamy.

References:

Swinging with a side of Kink

It had been a long week. As much as she loved her life, it was a busy CHALLENGING life. Her two babies, little angelic gifts that they were, took so much time and energy. She loved putting that time in, being a mother brought her great joy but by the end of the week she had to admit that she was exhausted and needed a break. 

On top of that, she had been putting in more hours than usual at work. Her career was another aspect of her life that truly fulfilled her but free time had gotten quite scarce. 

But tonight would be a break from the stress and hectic action of her routine. Tonight they had a naughty couple coming to play. Tonight would be DECADENT!  She could hardly wait.  Continue reading

42: Vintage BDSM

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vintage_bdsm

For your listening pleasure, we have a bunch of different subjects.

Jon and SinD head to Los Angeles again to hang out with Mister Bill.   While Jon gets busy with one of his favorite play partners, the rest of the gang  talks about the history of BDSM in L.A. This goes all the way back to the early days of "Society of Janus", "Presidium" and  Treshold, when it was just a couple of kinky people playing around in a rented X-rated movie studio.

We lured the makers of "SportSheets" (we interviewed and tested the product previously) to Dragons gate.

We are taking the violet wand to Burning Man to zap people in the dessert!

There are plenty of other random discussions, gummy bears and reviews of Jon's performance as a swinger.

master of oBill interviews Ernest Greene (and his wife, Nina Hartley) about his newest book, "Master of O" and they trade anecdotes from way back in time (around when they invented rope).

Continue reading

Kinky Tip: How to hide your sex furniture hooks

In our brand-spanking new Youtube channel, Jon explains how to hide the hook that is needed to hang your sex/kinky furniture (like a sex swing, bondage ring or suspension gear) and make it totally invisible to your snooping family members or friends.

 

Check out the video above, or on the Youtube channel.  Make sure to subscribe.

Most importantly: What tips do you have that can benefit the community?  Post it in the comments.Sharing is caring!