Confronting Race & Sex with Jet Setting Jasmine

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We have an in-depth conversation with porn producer, performer, coach, kinkster, a multifaceted businesswoman, a mother of three, a clinical mental health therapist, gerontologist, adult film star and all-round awesome person "Jet Setting Jasmine".

We talk about a multiple subjects that are near and dear not just to the black BDSM community, but everybody in alternative lifestyle like swingers, poly or kinksters.

Generational trauma:
Black people have been mentally and physically abused in the past, and some care that trauma with them Think about the optics of suspending somebody from a tree or using a whip in public. How can we as a dominant improve our skills and be mindful of these issues.

Swinger parties and events:
Does your ad copy have people of color or full-bodied people in it?
If not, how are they going to feel welcome?

Talking to your children about sex:
Don't tell them anything inappropriate, but don't hide the need for adults to have intimacy or the right for everybody to have pleasure and bodily autonomy

Shitty music in dungeons:
Really? Does it have to "nosebleed central" loud crappy metal to create an atmosphere? What if people actually want to talk or -gasp- have a negotiation talk before a scene?

Skin color in kink:
Bruising and discoloration during as scene is nearly impossible to see. How to check for problems. Also: Dungeon lighting: a bit of dark can be romantic, too much makes it dangerous.

BDSM and Therapy:
A dom-sub relationship can beneficial for all involved, provide structure and help work through existing traumas. Persons with old traumas can use BDSM negotiation techniques to work out a protocol that will gradually desensitize themselves so they can end up with better intimacy and sex lives.

57: Science of Non-Monogamy

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A while ago, we worked with Analisa Murphy who did a scientific study to better understand the effects of non-monogamy (or any kind of open relationship) on relationships and sexual satisfaction. This is now completed, so it was time for an interview to chat about the learnings.

She also explains her personal journey into swinging, from getting married at an early age to leaving the Mormon religion and the impact this has on her life, her kids and her sexuality.

We talk about:

  • The danger of "no sex before marriage" and the damage it can do before discovering polyamory.
  • There are tricks mormons use to go swinger parties without anybody noticing.
  • Being gay in the Mormon church, getting kicked out for getting AIDS.

For more information:

Results are in of the CNM research

A while ago, we asked you all to to participate in actual research. A lot of you did, and now the results are in.

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) - where couples decide not to be sexually exclusive with one another - is becoming increasingly popular. What is the impact of opening up? Does it ruin your relationship? Is it a panacea for marital problems? Without longitudinal data, we can’t know.

@annelise_murphy has collected the first prospective, longitudinal data on the decision to practice CNM. She recruited people who were interested in opening their relationships but who hadn’t taken the plunge yet and tracked them as they did or did not open up over two months.

We wound up with 155 openers: people who opened their relationships between Times 1 and 2. We also had 78 non-openers: people were still monogamous by Time 2. The design allowed us to compare openers to the non-openers, as well as changes over time for each group.

We preregistered the study design, including stopping rules. We had some confirmatory hypotheses about motives, but none about the main effects of opening up. Honestly, we had no idea how these results would turn out.

We found that by Time 2, openers had significantly higher relationship quality and sexual satisfaction compared to the non-openers. BUT: those differences were already present at Time 1. Relationship quality did not change over time as people opened up their relationships.

Put differently: People who opened up their relationships to other partners did not enjoy better relationships as a consequence of CNM. Instead, the people who opened up their relationships had higher relationship quality to begin with.

Sexual satisfaction, on the other hand, actually did increase over time for the openers. People who opened up their relationships enjoyed boosts in relationship satisfaction from Time 1 to Time 2. In contrast, the non-openers did not.

Why did opening up lead to higher sexual satisfaction? It could be as straightforward as the fact that new sexual partners are novel and exciting. It could also be that CNM helps couples communicate better about their sex lives. 

The work has some limitations. First, we did not collect partner reports, so we don’t know how our participants’ partners felt about the decision to practice CNM, or what the consequences of that decision might have been for them. 

We also recruited a sample of people who were already enthusiastic about CNM, by definition. It seems unlikely that these results would extend to people who hold negative attitudes about CNM.  

On the whole, these results offer cautious optimism for people who are thinking about practicing CNM. We found some positive consequences of opening up and no negative ones. These findings support the idea that CNM can be a healthy, viable relationship option

Read the full details here.

56: Puppies do Folsom

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We gave the our roaming reporters (the Mr. and Mrs. Puppy) the microphones and let them run amok during Folsom Street Faire in San Francisco.

They talk to people on a range of subjects:   Whips, choosing floggers, pony play, "puppy play" and a whole bunch of kink.

Contact us and let us know where you will be during the next Folsom!

 

 

54: Tantra in Nawlins

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Part 2 of our Naughty in Nawlins visit:

We interviewed Organic Loven and a bunch of visitors, each with their own vision on swinging, kink and sexuality, and close it up by dragging the couple from "Ecstatic Hearts" into our bed for interview on tantra, sacred sexuality, and improving and extending your orgasms thru specific techniques and vocalisations.

Want to join in the fun at NiN?  Make sure to grab your room before they sell out!

 

Swinger? Polyamorous? Be heard, earn prizes!

Update:  This project is completed, and the survey is closed.    See the results.

We are taking a short break from our regularly schedules debauchery to point you to some serious science stuff going on!

The Open Relationships Project is doing a study and they need your help.   Give them a couple minutes of your time to help people understands your lifestyle.  It doesn't cost anything, you may even win some!

Open Relationships Project

Relationship Quality for Non-Monogamous Couples Study: Do Motives Matter?

Romantic relationships have a profound impact on physical and mental health (e.g., Kiecolt-Glaser & Newton, 2001). People in long-term romantic relationships often rely on their romantic partners to meet a broad range of psychological needs; including emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, social support, acceptance, and personal growth; as well as practical needs, such as co-parenting children and co-managing finances and households. However, modern romantic relationships may in fact be suffocating under these demands, as society encourages unrealistic expectations about a single person’s ability to meet such a broad range of needs simultaneously (Finkel, Hui, Carswell, & Larson, 2014).

CNM is an umbrella term that includes open relationships (sex without love without a partner’s participation is okay), swinging (focus on having sex without love) and polyamory (focus on loving more than one person) (Matsick, Conley, Ziegler, Moors, & Rubin, 2013).

People in CNM relationships have been shown to enjoy similar levels of relationship quality to those in monogamous relationships. CNM relationships rank similarly in terms of sexual satisfaction, relationship satisfaction, closeness, trust and commitment (Seguin, Blais, Goyer, Adam, Lavoie, Rodrigue, Magontier, 2016).

The University of Utah Relationship Decisions Lab under the direction of Samantha Joel PhD., are looking for participants in monogamous relationships who are currently considering opening up their relationships (but have yet to do so) to take a survey. We are looking for individuals who have never opened up and individuals who have opened up in the past but are currently with one partner and are planning on opening up again. This study is looking at understanding how people choose to open their relationships and what their experiences of this relationship transition look like.

If you or anyone you know fits our qualifications, we invite you to take this survey. Not only will you be furthering science, but you will be entered to win a $100 Amazon gift card.

What are you waiting for?  Be heard!

53: Andre Shakti does Nawlins

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During Naughty in Nawlins 2017 (one of the largest swingers events, in New Orleans), misses Puppy and Jon ran into our instructor for the "erotic wrestling" class.   She turned out to very cute, great a giving lapdances and an all-round awesome person.  We sat down and chatted about kink, polyamory, bi-sexuality, penis size, wrestling, stripping (including "pole burn") and porn.

Andre Shakti is a journalist, educator, performer, activist, and professional slut living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. Andre wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Thrillist, MEL, Vice, and more. She can frequently be found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she knows how problematic that show is. Visit her on Twitter @andreshakti, on FB as “Andre Shakti”, and at AndreShaktiXXX.com (NSFW).

 

Shout-out to podcast "Two or More to Tango"

 

The Great Divide - The Gap Between Swinging and Kink

A woman I'd never met knelt in front of the table I was lying on, and locked eyes with me. "Do you orgasm from that?" she asked.

Baffled by the question and a little spacey from the fire play my partner was demonstrating on my back, I mumbled something negative. She looked back at me with a look of perfect confusion as if to ask what was the point, and then walked away.

My surroundings were familiar - I'd been in the space a hundred times for kinky parties. But this was one of the nights where the swing club next door expanded into the dungeon area, and let the two groups mingle together.

The attendees were mostly swingers, however, and I felt completely out of my element. Unlike my kink parties, sex was a much bigger focus. And there was a sudden dearth of personal space. People crowded together and hovered closely over those participating in kinky activities.

The entire atmosphere was just...different. And it wasn't a difference I found myself able to acclimate to.

As I talked to others afterwards, I found the divide was wider than I had realized. Despite our mutual statuses as alternative sexualities, kinksters and swingers seemed to look at each other with some amount of bewilderment.

Over time, I've met people who have found a way to bridge this gap. Some have even attempted to combine the two with various degrees of success. And still we seem to look at each other like exhibits at the zoo, some of us in cages while the others roam more freely.

I like my cage. There's a lovely view of people who live differently, and I pass no judgment, but that life is not for me. For me, different is not a value judgment. Different is simply different, not better or worse.

Most of the time, my kink club is not considered sex positive. That is, we do not allow penetration at our parties. Some people find this limiting and a reason to stay away. Personally, I've never equated kink and sex though, and have no interest in having sex or even orgasming in public.

This is not to say that I don't go home and jerk off, or have sex with my partner there. But I prefer my sex to be more private. When I use kink as foreplay, it's at home, without an audience.

Kink is more about sensations for me. There should be some attraction between me and my play partners, but I find negotiations far easier when sex is automatically off the table. It's one less thing I have to worry about.

Still, I find my attitude to be in the minority. I see far too many people unwilling to explore the other end of that hallway, or even try to understand those on the other side.

I don't claim to have a perfect understanding either. I've seen just enough to know that I prefer my side of the zoo, cages and all.

All I'm saying is that it's complicated. Let's not put anyone in a box - or cage - without getting to know them a little. Not all cages are created equal, and not everyone enjoys freedom. Neither are necessarily wrong.

-- by Daphne

 

52: Parties & Groupies

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Rev. Jon and Mrs. Puppy run the dungeon at Tangerine's Dream together where they broaden the spectrum of kink for fans, newbies,  and curious onlookers.  Mrs. Puppy tries her hand as a top under the expert direction of Rev Jon.  They had a busy and fun night working as a team to bring bliss to the line of willing victims.  They meet super fans Mr. and Mrs. Chill where they provide Mrs. Chill with a little taste of their brand of kink. They later decide to expand on their experience with a private date.

On a date in San Francisco they take the Chills further into their journey of kink. They visit some of Rev. Jon and Mrs. Puppy's favorite places starting with coffee at Wicked Grounds and a nice chat about how Mr. and Mrs. Chill found their way into kink.  They then head to the leather shop "Leather Etc" where Rev. Jon, and Mrs. Puppy help Mrs. Chill pick out her very first corset with the support of Mr. Chill.

After a fun day of hanging out it was time to get down to some kinky fuckery where the Chills find out exactly what their pleasure is as they experienced kink Bliss Bringers style.