Last time we were in Vegas, the Captain and I were having a late night roll around in our sexy hotel room (hotel rooms have fetish qualities for me -- just being in one turns me on).  We were doing our thing without paying any attention to the fact that on the other side of our fancy headboard was another hotel room.  The people in the next room had a high noise tolerance. They didn't start pounding on the wall until the Captain came.  When he reaches an orgasm, you know about it. He makes a lot of noise.

When you walk into a room where people are having sex, the moans and groans and sounds of bodies mashing together are as arousing as the sight of naked bodies in motion. Most men I know get a real kick out of hearing their partner have an orgasm. And if their partners are women, they rarely disappoint.

I like sounds because they are a kind of sexual feedback. If my partner is making noises, soft or loud, then I know they're feeling pleasure. If someone is totally silent, I have no idea what's happening with them.

I'm fortunate in that the Captain likes to make noise.  We talk to each other while we're having sex, whether with each other or with other people.  And he doesn't keep it a secret when he comes. I LOVE that.  It's all part of it.

But I've been with men who are totally silent (women are rarely totally silent -- it seems to be a guy thing). They don't even utter so much as a whisper.  I'm not sure if they feel shy about making noise, or if they used to live somewhere where they had to "keep the noise down" for fear of disturbing the neighbors. Or if they don't want to admit that they came because they think their partner still wants more. But sometimes they don't even call out in any way when they are coming.

I just want to go on record to say: that disappoints me.

Imagine (I can't imagine) if the roles were reversed. Let's think about this from the perspective of the hetero man. What would it be like if you got nothing, not a moan, not a groan, not a giggle, not a sigh, not a word (no "harder, faster, deeper, don't stop, fuck me!"), NOTHING, not even louder, accelerated breathing from your partner? What would you feel like if you had no clue when she was reaching an orgasm.

It's not just okay to make some noise. It's a fucking turn-on.  When I'm giving head, the best way I know (other than when they grab my head and ram their cock down my throat, which actually isn't my favorite kind of feedback though I know some people are okay with it) of finding out that I'm getting it right is when the guy starts to make little uncontrollable noises.  Love it!  Makes me crazy with delight and gets me seriously hot.

The key word there is "uncontrollable."  Good sex is about letting go and losing control. You want to get lost in it and forget everything else. That includes setting aside your inhibitions.  Talk dirty.  Moan and groan and shout.  Whisper stuff into your partner's ear.  And above all, vocalize when you're coming. If that doesn't come naturally, then at the very least, announce it: "I'm gonna come!"

Totally silent sex, unless it's for some specific purposes (I can't think of any, but maybe something tantric?), is a form of sensory deprivation. Like going at it under the covers with the lights off and the black-out curtains drawn, it doesn't let you take full advantage of what that beautiful moment in time has to offer.

Yes, you may want to keep it down at times for the sake of your neighbors. But even then, they'll pound on the wall if you're bothering them. It's kind of along the lines of "ask for forgiveness instead of permission."

The only permission you need is the permission to let yourself get into it completely, sounds and all. Being with people who are able to get into it like that is a turn-on. Sexy sounds add a yummy dimension to any encounter.

So, if you're not already doing it, next time you get together with someone, make some noise!