Forte Femme is an intensive weekend with internationally acclaimed sexual educator and talented kinkster, Midori. I signed up for the San Francisco weekend about one hour after I read that the it would be limited to nine women, all of whom answered "Yes!" to the question, "Do you seek authentic empowerment, confidence and pleasure with a bit of edge in your erotic life?"
The weekend is devoted to putting each woman in touch with her sexual power, the power femme that lies within all of us. As promised, it was an intimate group--ten students, plus Midori and her amazing assistant. Midori warned us ahead of time to prepare to feel exhausted by the end of the weekend. That was no lie.
I went into the weekend nervous, unsure of what to expect, and a little worried that I'd be out of my depth. The Captain and I have been in the swinger lifestyle for a few years, and we're a bit kinky, but I haven't had a lot of experience in "the fetish community."
The idea of exploring my feminine dominance excited me but also scared me. I wanted to find my power. I think women have a right to own their sexuality and feel confident in it.
We began with our first session on Friday night. All of us gathered in a large hotel suite. I love being in the presence of other women, especially women who exude sexual energy. Though the details of our stories were different, we were all there to tap into our erotic power.
That Friday night, after each woman told the group a little bit about herself, Midori launched right into a discussion of the complexity of sexuality. Note: she gave me permission to share her teachings freely, so I will tell you a bit of what we learned. Of course, there's nothing quite like going to the source -- what a wonderful source she is. But I'll try to convey a bit of what she gave us.
Midori has a unique view, based on her years of experience. She rejects the idea that everyone fits neatly into a defined "box" like "dominant" or "submissive," "sadist" or "masochist," "kinky" or "vanilla," "bottom," or "top." She explained to us that in her understanding, kinky people engage in kink because they are seeking a change of state. The change comes, most often, through a temporary re-distribution of power.
She talked to us about the difference between "a scene," that is a kinky scene negotiated between consenting adults, and "THE scene," that is, the lifestyle scene or the community. You can be a good kinkster without being big into "THE scene." For many of us, myself included, kink begins at home!
Already by the end of the first night I was tired. The session ran late, and we had an early start the next day. I had given my hotel key to some friends (okay, Mistress SinD and Just Jon), and when I got back they had it all set up for some kinky fun. Like this:
So the night went a little later than planned, but we were efficient. And I was able to bring home some good home movies for The Captain, who had given me a "hall pass" for the weekend. But I digress.
Day Two we went more deeply into the different ways control/authority (dominance, submission, or equality) and the appetite for intense sensation (sadism, masochism, or neutrality) can combine with each other. For example, someone might like to dominate (be in control of the scene and the people in it) and to receive intense sensation (be a masochist). In short, there are many different "appetite pairings."
Some people, whom Midori calls "box jumpers" and others think of as "switch," might change from day to day or partner to partner. Put in terms the Professor can understand, Midori said we should think of "dominant" and "submissive" as adjectives, not nouns. To think of them as nouns would be to claim them as identities. To think of them as adjectives gives us more freedom to move in and out of them depending on our desires at the time. Hallelujah!
Her approach helped me relax. I jump boxes. I like control sometimes, where I get to tell people what do for me, but I like to give up control sometimes too, where someone else is calling the shots and I have to trust them. I enjoy flogging people more than I like to be flogged, but I can get into being tied up and blindfolded and have no desire to learn how to work the ropes on others (at least at the moment).
A couple of the most empowering things that I learned from Midori on the weekend had nothing at all to do with specific skills or even with any of the stuff about appetites. She gave us two questions that she encouraged us to ask ourselves whenever we were entering into erotic territory with someone: (1) What would please me now? and (2) How am I holding my space?
"What would please me now?" gives me ultimate permission to identify and be true to what I want out of a sexual (or any other type of) encounter. Midori was uncompromising on this point: if it's not going to please you, then do not do it. In the swinger lifestyle, this is the principle behind the frequently offered advice not to "take one for the team." It's not about what should please me, and not about what someone else wants from me. No. In matters sexual, it is about what would please me now.
The way I understand this is that it can have different scopes. It may be, for example, that we agree going into it that I am going to let you take control of what happens. Even when that happens, it's okay for me to say "no" if things move into territory that pushes past my limits.
That one question alone is extraordinarily empowering.
The second question, "How am I holding my space?" helps to remind me to hold myself in a powerful way. Am I commanding respect with my body language, presenting a confident demeanor? Does my posture suggest power or weakness?
Midori had encouraged us to bring along shoes or boots that we wanted to learn how to walk well in. One of the highlights of the weekend was when she taught us how to harness our power femme through "the Queen's walk." It's a an extremely commanding and seductive way to approach someone. It was amazingly erotic to watch each woman do her Queen's walk across the room. Ooo la la.
That night, our group had an extraordinary sensual private dinner party at Our Gourmet Life. Mistress SinD was my sexy date. Each person had a card that they could turn up or down. Up meant you were open to being touched by the staff. We all had our cards up! 😉 Hot staff played out sizzling vignettes with each other and pampered the guests with sensual attention. It was a delicious evening on every level.
The final day we got to put our skills into action in an afternoon "lab" with a partner. The main objective of the lab was for us to successfully negotiate a scene with our partner in the way Midori had taught us to do. Midori supplied trainer bottoms to those of us who did not have partners with us. I had a lovely and experienced young woman as my trainer bottom. We negotiated a scene, which I told her in advance I thought I was too tired to play out.
She'd brought a bag of toys to do a toy show and tell with me. That's when things changed for me. She likes heavy impact. I like flogging people. She had some really cool paddles and whacking implements that got my attention. Before we were long into her toy bag, we decided on a flogging scene. I practiced some of the flogging techniques Midori had shown us earlier. Midori came over and helped me with my placement (still need to do some target practice).
After a few minutes, I fell into a rhythm. My beautiful trainer bottom could tolerate it a lot harder than I'd ever done before, and when I began to flog her chest very hard I felt energized and powerful. I truly entered some kind of zone. She was blindfolded and so the only connection we had was through touch and sound. I switched it up between the floggers and some of the other tools she'd brought.
She was keenly responsive to my actions, and that fueled me to want to do more and better. Ultimately, she requested my permission to come! Wow, what a rush. I remained fully clothed and there was absolutely no penetration. And I connected with her well enough that she had a beautiful orgasm.
We'd arranged for some quiet cuddling as aftercare. We lay on the floor for a few minutes in silence and I just took in what had happened. It was an enormously satisfying experience for me. I'm sure much of it had to do with her talents as a bottom. As I said in a previous post, I like feedback. She sure did give it to me. I was so high from the experience that later on it took me ten minutes to find my way out of the parking garage.
Midori is an outstanding teacher and mentor. We all came away from the weekend with new power that we didn't have before. For me, the weekend cemented my commitment to owning my sexuality with confidence. We all deserve that in our lives. In fact, that's one of the things that motivated us to start Bliss Bringers.
Midori offers a number of different intensives and classes, but if you are a woman interested in finding the power femme within you (yes, one does lurk in there somewhere!), bonding with other wonderful women seeking the same, under the instruction of a true expert brimming over with solid knowledge and good humor, I recommend Forte Femme. It's a life-changing experience and you'll come out of it empowered!
Professor Tea and the Captain interview Matt and Amanda, owners of Toronto's O Zone swingers' club and the couple behind TABOTA (Take a Bite of the Apple) couples events. They tell us how they got started planning lifestyle events, how the O Zone adult club came to be, give us a sneak preview of "Valentine's in Niagara" swingers event, and give us the good on their famous Teddy Bare Picnic and the exciting new swing lifestyle resort, Hedo North.
We chat with Dee Dennis, organizer of 
Just Jon shared his kinky swinging sexpertise the other day on "Erotic Talk Radio." Hear how he sounds on the other side of the interview mic...
Last time we were in Vegas, the Captain and I were having a late night roll around in our sexy hotel room (hotel rooms have fetish qualities for me -- just being in one turns me on). We were doing our thing without paying any attention to the fact that on the other side of our fancy headboard was another hotel room. The people in the next room had a high noise tolerance. They didn't start pounding on the wall until the Captain came. When he reaches an orgasm, you know about it. He makes a lot of noise.
